The house had been a rental for so many years that when the repairman came to fix the washer and dryer, he knew the machines and the last three tenants that lived here.<\/p>\n
There have been so many problems with this house. Which isn\u2019t even a house by the way. It\u2019s a double wide trailer with an add-on.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not obvious at first glance because it\u2019s on a concrete foundation with painted wood siding and has roll roofing (full of leaks). But you sure can tell when you look up at the faded yellow plastic strips in the ceilings, moisture filled tin window sashes, and thin hollow wood panelled walls.<\/p>\n
The addition is the livingroom and it is shaped exactly like a shoebox. The ceiling is just as dark and low as a cardboard lid too. There\u2019s a doorway punched out of every single side, two of which go directly to the outdoors. Dirt and leaves are trampled in from every direction. It\u2019s essentially a mudroom that we watch tv in.<\/p>\n
The main bedroom is off this room. Double french doors divide the spaces. They don\u2019t close properly and light and noise cut through the panes of glass. The water closet in there doesn\u2019t even fit a sink. When I was pregnant I couldn\u2019t even close the door when I was inside because the toilet was too close to the door swing.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s deceptively small.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s a pizza box hot glued over a hole in the kitchen ceiling and I\u2019ve painted it white. It\u2019s not fooling anyone and it\u2019s starting to sag. The sink is about to fall through the countertop. That pretty much sums up the kitchen. I\u2019m purposely avoiding describing the washroom because it\u2019s just a sad sad space with a mildew problem and a few families of spiders who don\u2019t give you privacy when you shower.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m green with envy when I see moms post photos of their kids having bathtime in brand new white shiny tubs and beautiful tile surrounds. Not to mention livingrooms with soaring windows. Daylight just pouring in, flooding their clean white walls, their \u201cballet studio\u201d floors awash with with celestial zen.<\/p>\n
We can\u2019t put too much money into this shack because we will never get it back out. But we also have to invest something into it because it\u2019s our home and needs to be functional as one.<\/p>\n
When I first gave birth to Walter and our midwife was visiting, the house was in an even worse condition then it is today. No paint or flooring even. And dirty from the dogs.<\/p>\n
I put it down. Cursed it and apologized for the state it was in. I didn\u2019t want it to represent (to her) anything about me.<\/p>\n
It certainly didn\u2019t reflect the type of mom I envisioned myself to be, or my hard earned degree in interior design.<\/p>\n
How it\u2019s our first house and was so hard to even get approved for a mortgage because of that. How we had false starts, and even lived with my parents to scrimp and save. How even then, we barely had any actual money to buy it with. We had to take what we could get. How I was exhausted from university (I went back when I was 30-35 and had already been through school in my twenties) I was burned out. Honestly, how overworked I was in that program made me despise interior design and never want to go back. So the house sat untouched longer than I wanted it to.<\/p>\n
The midwife didn\u2019t know any of that. She just knew what to say. She stopped me and said,<\/p>\n
“This is your home. Do not put down your home. This is YOUR home. And it\u2019s perfect.”<\/p>\n
And she was right.<\/p>\n
I instantly felt self conscious that many new moms don\u2019t even have a house to call their own.<\/p>\n
There have been generations of different families living here in this very home since the 1980\u2019s. Maybe even a family or two that desperately didn\u2019t want to leave it. And that this house, as slap-happy as I feel it was built upon and repaired over the years, has kept people safe and alive and housed from the elements.<\/p>\n
When our real estate agent was showing us the house, she said she remembered playing here as a girl. When her little friend lived here it was newly renovated in the best of late eighties fashion. She remembered thinking it was \u201cso fancy.\u201d<\/p>\n
Most of their childhood will be spent here and we are making the best of it. I\u2019m hoping with each little improvement they are thinking it\u2019s pretty darn \u201cfancy\u201d too.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m updating it, chipping away at it. Hanging wallpaper adorned with woodland creatures, painting antiques and sprinkling magic every time I make a new design decision.<\/p>\n
I will never stop cursing it occasionally or reminding my visitors when they come over that it is \u201ca work in progress\u201d and that I have \u201cso many plans and ideas\u201d for it.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a daily exercise on gratitude and humility. It\u2019s a daily reminder that it is ridiculous and false to think you really know anyone based on the home they have or how they keep it.<\/p>\n
Miserable people on the brink of divorce live in gorgeous expensive houses. An exquisite condo in a sky scraper can feel like a freezing dark hole in the middle of the ground if the love you shared it with, suddenly, is gone.<\/p>\n
Sad, heartbroken children will keep their bedrooms tidy if they are scolded enough.<\/p>\n
As my father (who is a retired professional in the field of domestic violence prevention and education) likes to remind me,<\/p>\n
That has also always stuck with me.<\/p>\n
Houses aren\u2019t always a measure of success either. I have friends in million dollar houses bought by their parents and they\u2019ll never tell you that outright.<\/p>\n
I have brilliant and remarkably hardworking friends steeped in the modern day reality that they may never be home owners. Costs nowadays are outlandish. You could simply be living somewhere where it\u2019s cut and dry\u2014there just aren\u2019t enough houses for everyone.<\/p>\n
Abundance, joy and love abound here. That\u2019s what nobody can tell by looking at our house.<\/p>\n
How the dining room is really mostly a dance hall, the livingroom is a comedy club or movie theatre, and the kitchen is the best restaurant in town. The bedrooms are where we all cuddle, rest and heal and the bathroom? You\u2019d never know by looking at its condition, but (to the kids) its a trip to the waterpark. They play in the bath for hours. They don\u2019t see the mildew or cracked tiles and outdated faucets or stained tub surround.<\/p>\n
On days where the mess really gets to me, especially when there are no corners to hide from it- or doors to close, and it has just all become too much, my mom will pick me up in her car.<\/p>\n
We will strap the kids in their carseats and drive around the island where I see nothing but the beautiful, yet chaotic perfection that is the natural landscape.<\/p>\n
The forrest envelopes us with all it\u2019s stages of decay, fallen trees and jagged stumps filled with bugs. We will drive down to the shoreline and stare at the vast expanse that is made up of slimy and slick rock piles dotted with clusters of sharp barnacles. The driftwood full of tangled smelly seaweed that the stormy waves have strewn about.<\/p>\n
We can find connection and joy by existing in all types of places. By being together in the here and now. Everything of real value is available at anytime, regardless of the state of your home. Because it isn\u2019t about the physical structure. It\u2019s about the simple act of weathering the storms with the ones we love. The people inside our rooms, whatever they look like, and the story of our lives that we write together.<\/p>\n
The place where memories matter more than mess.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
We bought a fixer-upper. Andrew proposed to me in this house in the main bedroom the day we took possession. While he was literally on his knees, Quincy pooped on the carpet in the livingroom. I came out of the room and said \u201cI smell pet mess.\u201d And thus began my constant battle to focus […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":109,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n